The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
