he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
you didnt know i had herpes?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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