A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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