And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize