i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
