Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
