i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
