Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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