I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
