I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
