so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize