I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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