No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
