Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Buhtt sex?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize