new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
