She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
