No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
