i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
