Where is the hickey?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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