theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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