You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
