There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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