dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
