I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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