O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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