you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
