Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
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