talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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