I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
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