So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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