i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
