i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
