How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
