He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
