It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
