I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
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