my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
My bed smells like the plague
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
