small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
