There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize