Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
now i know why i became what i already was.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
