i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
