I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
