What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
