I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
