explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
