it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
