My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize