420 ftw
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
