How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
