Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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