I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I would ride that face into the sunset
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize