He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
