dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
My penis needs a shock collar
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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