The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
