In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
