An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
