It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
