maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
