Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
