There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
