4 words: hood of his car
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
