How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize