In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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