Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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