I got chris browned last night
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
