Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize