Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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