My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
