Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I bet he comes in French.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
