Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize