come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
