somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
