just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Never underestimate the power of titties
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