then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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