Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
