My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize