Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
