i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize