My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
