Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
