its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
