just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
