I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
