I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
