Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
