Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
