i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
