no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
