people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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