Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
