did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
