The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
