ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
