Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
