I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
