Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
