I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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