Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
