he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
