When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
